Role model

Well, we made it to week 38. Good job us!

(No, this is not our baby :) This is my niece, Mary, the day before my wedding... but very soon we'll be able to take a picture exactly like this with OUR baby. 

Gosh, nothing's ever sounded sweeter. )  

Baby girl has a new favorite game she likes to play during the day. It's her own little version of London Bridge, in other words, lets see how long it takes to make mom fall down. True story. She's sitting so low these days, that her little head bumps all the nerves in my lower back and between my legs. I'm starting to have to walk next to the walls so I have something to hold myself up when my legs give out, which they do on a regular basis because of little girl. I'm choosing to look for the "silver lining" in this situation and decided that it's just her way of saying, "I'm still here mom and I'm one nerve closer to making my grand entrance." Pretty great, huh? We'll see how well that silver lining holds up when I actually find myself on the floor.

I've been thinking a lot about role models lately. I feel that when you're about to have your first child or even a new child, for that matter, there comes a time when you ask yourself if you're enough, not the,"am I going to be a good parent?" kind of enough (although we ask ourselves that, too) but the, "Where I am, right now in my life, am I the kind of person I want my child to emulate?" kind of enough. I feel like this feeling has been enhanced even more because I'm about to have a little girl.

Please understand this isn't me bashing on Kate, this is me wondering if I, myself,  have developed the things that I want my daughter to develop. I'm not just talking about my behaviors and habits, I'm talking about my deeply rooted inner beliefs about myself. It kind of causes you to do a personal inventory. To ask questions like, "Do I truly believe that I'm valuable?" or "Do I believe that I have something special to offer to the world?" or "Do I believe I can do hard things?" The reason it's important to ask these kind of questions is because I believe you can't teach someone something you don't already know yourself. It almost seems hypocritical to tell my daughter to think she's beautiful and then turn around and look at myself in the mirror and not like what I see. It sends a really confusing message.

In order to help her feel deep inner worth, I need to model a feeling of deep inner worth, and in order to model that worth, I need to first feel it within myself.

I understand thinking like this can be overwhelming and sometimes seem like it's too late, especially if you already have a handful of kids and especially if those kids are older, but "It's never too late to be who you might have been." No matter our present state, as we begin to change, I believe, our daughters will notice and begin to change themselves as well.

I'm not trying to sound like I know it all or like I have it all figured out. I'm just trying to become the best role model I can for my children, especially my little girls... one day...one minute...one second at a time.