The best recipe for happiness? A little 24 inch angel.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I have a habit of assuming I know what people are thinking about me and more often than not, I assume what they're thinking is bad. This makes it difficult to 1.) create friendships because I get really self-conscious and 2.) be comfortable with my performance because I assume everyone is thinking I'm doing a crummy job. Either way, I end up saying or doing things I wouldn't normally say or do. This makes a mess of things, I tell you.

In an effort to counteract this bad habit I've decided to focus on doing service in different areas of my life. Trying to focus on others rather than myself. Trying to love and care for them rather than worrying whether they love or care for me. You know "losing my life" so I can "find" it.

Yesterday I invited a bunch of moms to play with Tessa and I at the wading pool. I made an extra effort to focus on them rather than myself. I tried to act confident and join in the conversation. There were a couple of hiccups but all and all I did really well. Success.

But I went home and started allowing myself to think they didn't like me and I spiraled. Fail.

One of the women couldn't make it because she is moving and needed to clean her old house. I offered my services. She has a toddler, which makes cleaning difficult, so I said I'd play with him while her and her visiting teachers cleaned. Attempting to think of others. Success.

When I got there I realized one of the visiting teachers was someone that really intimidates me. Dang. Not off to a good start. The son didn't really want to play with me and kept running back to his mom. Rather than just trying my best, with love still in my heart, I began to think everyone thought I wasn't helping at all. To make a long story short I caused my friend more stress than help and probably ended up looking like a jerk. How's that for making assumptions? Major fail.

I got home and went to my room and laid on my bed and cried. I'm religious. I pray. I feel Heavenly Fathers comforting arms around me often. But I wasn't feeling those arms yesterday.

Tessa saw when I came in. She saw that I didn't see her. She saw which direction I went. Tessa is a scooter, not a full out crawler.  Because of this, getting around takes some effort. She rarely goes long distances unless she really wants something. She was on the other side of the house.

Sprawled on the bed, feeling sorry for myself, I hear a small noise. I looked toward the door and there was my little girl. In the hall. Scooting as fast as she could to find me. When she saw me look up and see her, she gave me a smile that was similar to this picture:

 She had followed me. I got on the floor and she made the long journey to my bed. When I picked her up she clapped her hands and open-mouth-kissed my lips (she does that sometimes and it's awesome). She then wrapped her little hands around my neck and gave me a mommy-I-missed-you-why-didn't-you-pick-me-up-but-I-forgive-you hug. There were the comforting arms I asked for.

I guess sometimes Heavenly Father uses someone else's arms to pick you up, even if they're as little as arms could possibly be. The littlest arms are the strongest.

I can't believe she dragged herself all that long way just to get to me.
Actually...
 I can.