The best recipe for happiness? Baby curls.

I am obsessed with Tessa's hair. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have a baby with curly hair but it actually happened. Her locks have a mind of their own and we NEVER brush them otherwise it comes out straight. Anyway, here is an entire post dedicated to those baby ringlets of hers. And a video just so I can remember how she moved, looked, and sounded that day. I'm so grateful for all of the videos that help me freeze time and relive those moments over and over again. 

^Have to have a bow these days because her bangs are too long and daddy wont let me trim them^

Happy Friday!

The best recipe for happiness? A little 24 inch angel.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I have a habit of assuming I know what people are thinking about me and more often than not, I assume what they're thinking is bad. This makes it difficult to 1.) create friendships because I get really self-conscious and 2.) be comfortable with my performance because I assume everyone is thinking I'm doing a crummy job. Either way, I end up saying or doing things I wouldn't normally say or do. This makes a mess of things, I tell you.

In an effort to counteract this bad habit I've decided to focus on doing service in different areas of my life. Trying to focus on others rather than myself. Trying to love and care for them rather than worrying whether they love or care for me. You know "losing my life" so I can "find" it.

Yesterday I invited a bunch of moms to play with Tessa and I at the wading pool. I made an extra effort to focus on them rather than myself. I tried to act confident and join in the conversation. There were a couple of hiccups but all and all I did really well. Success.

But I went home and started allowing myself to think they didn't like me and I spiraled. Fail.

One of the women couldn't make it because she is moving and needed to clean her old house. I offered my services. She has a toddler, which makes cleaning difficult, so I said I'd play with him while her and her visiting teachers cleaned. Attempting to think of others. Success.

When I got there I realized one of the visiting teachers was someone that really intimidates me. Dang. Not off to a good start. The son didn't really want to play with me and kept running back to his mom. Rather than just trying my best, with love still in my heart, I began to think everyone thought I wasn't helping at all. To make a long story short I caused my friend more stress than help and probably ended up looking like a jerk. How's that for making assumptions? Major fail.

I got home and went to my room and laid on my bed and cried. I'm religious. I pray. I feel Heavenly Fathers comforting arms around me often. But I wasn't feeling those arms yesterday.

Tessa saw when I came in. She saw that I didn't see her. She saw which direction I went. Tessa is a scooter, not a full out crawler.  Because of this, getting around takes some effort. She rarely goes long distances unless she really wants something. She was on the other side of the house.

Sprawled on the bed, feeling sorry for myself, I hear a small noise. I looked toward the door and there was my little girl. In the hall. Scooting as fast as she could to find me. When she saw me look up and see her, she gave me a smile that was similar to this picture:

 She had followed me. I got on the floor and she made the long journey to my bed. When I picked her up she clapped her hands and open-mouth-kissed my lips (she does that sometimes and it's awesome). She then wrapped her little hands around my neck and gave me a mommy-I-missed-you-why-didn't-you-pick-me-up-but-I-forgive-you hug. There were the comforting arms I asked for.

I guess sometimes Heavenly Father uses someone else's arms to pick you up, even if they're as little as arms could possibly be. The littlest arms are the strongest.

I can't believe she dragged herself all that long way just to get to me.
Actually...
 I can.

The best recipe for happiness? Wading pools.

^I love this picture. She looks like such a little lady.^

Yesterday I took Tessa Kaye to the wading pool at the park. I love how excited she gets with everything in her life. She's such a curious little explorer. She went right in that pool and marched those chubby little legs everywhere she could. She smacked at the water and then giggled, quite pleased with the big splashes she was making. She smiled a welcoming smile to every child that was near beckoning them to come join in her fun. And every once in a while she would lift her head up, face towards the sky and let out a triumphant yell. No fear. Just curiosity and joy. And lucky me, she held tightly to my finger the entire time.

^Also one of my favorites.^

What kind of adventures are you going on this summer?

The best recipe for happiness? Getting from one place to the other.

Look out world! We have a scooter on our hands. Who knew how fast babies could be. I remember the first time she did it. I put her down, left the room to get a drink of water, and when I came back a moment later she was gone. I had a heart attack but found her on the other side of the living room on her way to the bathroom I'm sure. No idea why she loves the bathroom so much. She's getting pretty fast, especially when she wants something and moms not looking:

She'll follow me everywhere and grab my ankles to hold her :) Whatever mom is doing she wants to be doing it, too. She's SOOOO much fun!!

The best recipe for happiness? Six reasons to love mothers.

1. They Make everything all better.
2. They're One-of-a-kind.
3. They Take such good care of us and treat us nice.
4. Even though it's Hard they always help us.
5. Every time we need them they're Eager to help.
6. We really Really love them!

A few weeks ago my friend Katie and I were talking about mothering. She asked me a question that I've been mulling over all week long, "So, how is mothering?" Flash forward a couple days. Tessa and I were at the park. Tessa was screaming and I was struggling to get the stroller and bags in the trunk without spilling everything all over the parking lot. I was exhausted and it was very apparent in my sweaty face. A group of people, about my age were getting in the car right next to us. They looked from the screaming baby to her haggard mother. A girl said, "That makes me never want to have kids." Another responded, "My thoughts exactly."

As a mother you have to be able to function on little or no sleep. You have to be willing to clean up vomit, and blow outs and who knows what else. You have to put your wants and most of the time your needs last. You're being grabbed with sticky fingers or having your hair pulled or sucked on. Just doing something as simple as going to church or the store is difficult because you're wrestling, chasing, and corralling kids the whole time. It can be discouraging because the only thing you've accomplished is a clean bathroom and most days that doesn't even get done.

And that's where the world gets stuck.

They can only see the tough stuff: A screaming baby and an exhausted mother wrestling a stroller into the trunk. And believe me, the tough stuff is a reality, there is no doubt about that, but it's not the only reality. I've been thinking about Katie's question for weeks and even more so since that incident. I haven't been able to quite answer her question...until today.

So Katie, even though I haven't slept in six months and my hair is constantly dripping with spit here's the answer to your question, "So, how IS mothering?":

click here

The best recipe for happiness? Becoming like a little child.

^Over the weekend we went to Green Lake for a walk. Have you ever seen a pair of rosier cheeks and nose?^

Today, I looked in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes and my make up-less face. I sighed, I've had better looking days. Tessa put my face between her hands and pressed her cheek against my own. To her, my face is flawless.

Today, I spent a little too much time working on an email I really wanted to get done and not enough time comforting my distressed daughter. I sighed and apologized to her for the umpteenth time that day. She snuggled up close to my chest as if it never happened. To Tessa, there couldn't be a better mother. 

Today, my house was messier than usual and didn't get picked up until late that afternoon. I sighed, wishing I had it more together. Tessa played with me on the floor, hardly noticing the mess. To Tessa, there couldn't be a more comfortable, safe place to be. 

Today, Tessa told me I was beautiful, she frankly forgave me, and she reminded me that even the best homes don't always have the cleanest kitchens.  Maybe that is one of the things Christ meant when he asked us to become more like a little child: to understand that people make mistakes and love them regardless. To see the beauty and goodness in others and remind them of that goodness and beauty when they forget. 

Someday, I'd like to be more like Tessa. 

The best recipe for happiness? Big, blue eyes.

This picture is currently our desktop background. On Saturday afternoon our little family took a trip to the park. The weather was fabulous. Brady snapped some shots of the landscape while I introduced Tessa to things like waves and ducks. Can you imagine being where she is right now? Where everything is new, just waiting to be explored. It seems so thrilling. I'm really grateful for cameras that can capture moments like this.

Today while fishing through Tessa's drawer to find her something to wear, I found the pants from this post. When she was born they were too big for her and now, even if I tried, I couldn't get them past her knees. I walked to the bathroom to watch her and Brady playing during her bath. I'll admit I got misty eyed. My baby is growing so fast. I asked time to slow down and then I blinked twice and whoosh! in a couple of days my little girl is going to be four months old. This mothering business is SO bittersweet. I love when she hits her milestones but I miss my little newborn in her bundle of blankets.

She loves to jump. She's on the verge of rolling from her tummy to her back and from her back to her tummy. We'll see which comes first. She loves to rub her hands against her daddy's beard. She'll look you right in the eyes and talk to you. She smiles when we practice our ABC's (especially D for Da Da and M for Ma Ma). She has to have her thumb and her baby lamb for nap times. If it were up to her she'd already be walking everywhere. So much personality and so much love. And the best part? Those big, blue eyes.

The best recipe for happiness? Bad weather. Who knew!

Today the weather is absolutely terrible. The wind is just howling outside and it's supposed to rain two inches but things in this house couldn't feel more cozy. After Tessa's morning nap we laid out on the floor in the living room and read books while doing tummy time. We had to take breaks often for some much needed thumb sucking but we both loved it. We read about butterflies and feet, about oddly colored animals and sang our ABC's. She held my hand and I rubbed her tummy. We giggled. 

Tessa eventually fell asleep on our living room floor sucking her thumb and snuggling her baby lamb. She's never slept anywhere but her crib and never by her own choice. I love the days where things outside are roaring but things inside are quiet and calm. I love that she felt safe and cozy enough to fall asleep right where she was. Days like these just make our house feel like a home. The only thing missing is Tessa's daddy. Luckily, it's date night and the weekend so we get him all to ourselves. I'm about to go snuggle my sleeping baby and make some lasagna soup. Today, bad weather is definitely the best recipe for this moms happiness. 

Have a fabulous weekend! And don't forget to snuggle!

The best recipe for happiness? Realizing you have your very own, built in paci on your right hand.

Tessa has developed a habit. It involves her thumb. Brady and I don't give Tessa a pacifier (paci) because, well, it makes her kind of crazy. She screams and screams when she can't have it and she would much rather have that piece of plastic than nurse. No bueno. So, no paci for Tessa. She sucks on her fingers all the time to make up for it. She's had little control of her hands so her fingers don't stay in her mouth for very long. Lately I've noticed her favoring that little thumb on her right hand but she still couldn't quite get it to stay in her mouth...until yesterday. Now all of the sudden they are inseparable. We've started to put her down for naps without a blanket and, sure enough, as soon as her head hits the mattress that little plumb thumb goes straight for its new home. Hopefully it doesn't plan to stay there until she's six.

Tessa and thumb in action:

Happy Thursday!

The best recipe for happiness? Laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

A video to cheer you up in case you were feeling down because it's Monday.

Maybe Mondays aren't so bad...

The best recipe for happiness? Discovering your own two hands.

Brady caught Tessa looking at her hands a couple of days ago. She'll be in the middle of crying, talking or playing and all of the sudden they'll catch her eye and she'll stop whatever she's doing just to stare. It's been so wonderful to watch Tessa discover new things. She's just in awe of her surroundings and, frankly, we're just in awe of her.

Happy Monday!

The best recipe for happiness? A baby's first laughter.

Just when we thought we couldn't possibly fall anymore more in love with her, she goes and pulls a stunt like laughing for the first time. And we fall. We fall hard. She's still figuring out this whole laughter/talking thing but give her some time. She's finding her voice. And it's making my heart soar. 

The best recipe for happiness? A little chatter box.

Tessa is doing this new thing where she'll carry on a conversation with anyone who will listen. And it's awesome. She loves chatting it up with mom and dad but most especially she loves talking to her very special friend Tessa K. who happens to live inside our hallway mirror. They're the best of friends and mom sometimes gets jealous because Tessa saves her biggest smiles and longest conversations for Tessa K.

Pretty darn cute, right?

Just in case.

I decided to post this just in case some of you haven't seen it. I had been trying for weeks to catch a smile from Tessa on camera and, lucky me, I actually got it on film. For those of you who have seen it, go ahead and watch it again and again. I know I have. Enjoy!

Tessa and the big bad bath.

Hey all! I'm pretty excited for this new year and I've got some great new ideas for the blog. I'm still trying to decide whether I want to share Tessa's birth story or not. Would anyone even be interested in hearing it? Maybe.

I feel like I'm a pretty good mom but yesterday was definitely a mommy fail day or at least for awhile I felt like it was. Luckily, Tessa has forgiven me and we're the best of friends again. Tessa's sleeping schedule has always been a little off. Instead of going down for the night at 10 and sleeping until 5 or 6 she wants to go down at 7:30 on the dot and sleep until 2 or 3. This isn't good for mommy because although mommy would love getting seven to eight hours of sleep during the night, she isn't willing to hit the hay at 7. Our plan is to every couple of days keep her up a little later until eventually we get to our desired bed time.

Last night Tessa was super cranky because she hadn't had a nap all day, thanks one o'clock church, and was ready for bed by 6:30. How in the heck was I supposed to keep that lil' cranky pants up for another hour! I had the brilliant idea to give her a nice warm bath. The water would help relax her AND, bounus!, take up some time. We got her undressed, snapped a couple of naked bum pictures and headed for the tub. Tessa loves baths in the morning so she's sure to love them at night, right? WRONG! Screamed the whole time in the water, the whole time getting dressed, the whole time daddy read to her, and could hardly nurse because she was too mad at mom and her crazy ideas.

The whole thing really upset me. For some silly reason that fiasco made me feel like the worst mom ever. If I was a good mom I would have known that she would hate the bath that night and shame on me for thinking it'd be fun and cute to watch her splash in the water while smiling up at Daddy and I. Isn't it silly how we moms do that to ourselves? I've got to learn not to define my ability as a mother by whether something went perfect with Tessa or not. Odds are I'm going to mess up sometimes and things aren't always going to work out like they do in my head buuut Brady still loves me and so does Tessa. But from now on, baths in the morning in this house.

^^^You think I would have guessed what was to come because of this face.^^^

Sheesh :)

Now I understand.

Oh hey blog, long time no see.

Sorry everybody. Tessa seems determined to make sure to cry every time I sit down to blog. This is attempt number 5 today :)

My parents have a baby video of me that I used to love to watch when I was living at home. There are a couple of things in there that I really didn't understand; even laughed at because I thought it was silly.

My mom and dad decided to videotape the night they put me in my crib for the very first time. My mom, through tears, kept asking, "Do you think she'll be alright?" And my dad, crying as well behind the camera, kept reassuring her. I'd watch that and always think to myself, "Gosh you guys, you're only putting me in the other room. What's the big deal?" A week or so ago we put Tessa in her crib for the very first time. Now I completely understand. Even though she was just in the room next to us, she felt so far away... too far. I have to admit her first night she didn't stay in the crib very long. I gave the excuse that I didn't want to have to get out of bed to feed her but really I just needed her closer. Brady still likes to check on her a couple times during the night, so I guess it's not just me.

Another little video is of me sitting on the floor playing with toys. My dad had taken the day off and they both just sat on the floor watching me play for hours. I couldn't believe that they were able to do that so long. A few days ago Brady and I sat on the floor and just played with Tessa. I felt like I could just sit there and watch her for hours. Now I understand what they meant when they told me having me was like having a first baby all over again. You just can't get enough.

Finally, while I was living at home my mom would always come in to my room at night to watch me sleep. I'd always tell her it was weird and that she didn't need to check on me any more because I was all grown up. She'd always reply by saying something like, "I can't help it... I'm your mom." Yesterday and today I caught myself watching Tessa while she napped. I went in there quite a few times. I can't really explain why I kept going in there. I guess I just couldn't help it... I'm her mom.

In celebration of my parents I've added our video of putting Tessa in her crib for the first time. She smiles so look REALLY closely and you'll catch it:

Mom and Dad, now I understand :)  

Earlier this morning.

In a matter of about 15 mins Tessa managed to spit up, have a blow out, and pee all over our bedsheets. My poor sheets didn't know what hit 'em. Just look at that innocent face

Love Brady, Kate and, of course, Tessa Kaye!

My baby is getting bigger.

Tessa turns one month old in a couple of days and she wants to announce it to everyone

You tell 'em baby girl :)

I can't believe it's already been a whole month since little Tessa came into this world. You really don't realize how fast time goes until something comes into your life that you really don't want to end, like having a newborn. She's changing every day! I can hear the collective groans coming from the grandparents as we speak. All I can say is (sigh) I know, right?

On our trip Brady said to me once or twice, "Kate, she's getting bigger and I don't like it. I just want her to stay like this." Ever since then I've noticed it too. A couple weeks ago her 0-3 month old pants totally drowned her and today they fit just right. Just the other day I had to get a bigger onesie because I couldn't get the newborn one to fit over her head. Today, while nursing, I noticed her hands and arms are filling out.

On one side, it makes me feel excited and blessed to watch my baby girl growing and developing. There are so many fun stages coming up in the next few months and I can't wait to see them (first laughter, sitting up, etc. ). On the flip side, it makes me feel desperate, like I only have so much time with my precious little baby.  She's just growing before my eyes and no matter how close or tight I hold her, I can't seem to get her to stop. Today was a bitter sweet day for mama because her baby will never be one month old again. I guess that's why mommies have more babies. So, they can experience that split second newborn stage again and again. Don't worry Brady, I'm not planning on having another one any time soon :)

On Saturday my family had some family photos taken. Brady and I snagged our soon to be sister-in-law to take a few shots of us. They turned out really great and I think we're going to have to blow one or two of them up and stick them on our wall.

I sure love my little family :)

Happy one month Tessa Kaye!

Let's cross our fingers that month two takes its sweet, sweet time.

Just us girls.

Hey Everyone!

Miss us?

We landed in Seattle at about 11:00 last night and didn't get home until about 1:00 in the morning. It was 34 degrees and the kind of wet/cold that chills you to the bone (oh Seattle!) but we were happy to be back. We left our heater off during our trip and the three of us had to fall asleep bundled up together in sweaters and blankets and hats. It was actually pretty great shivering under the covers with two of my favorite people.

Today is just a relaxed day for Tessa and I. No grandmas or aunts and uncles or cousins around to fill the house with noise (the good kind). Now that she doesn't have someone holding her 24/7 she still expects mom to do it. We tried out her swing. Hates it. We tried out the new baby sling Aunt Jodie gave us. Hates it. We tried out the floor. Hates it. No, her favorite thing is in mom's arms while her back is being patted. That means both of mommy's hands are occupied and can't multitask, just the way she likes it :) Luckily we have a couple of weeks before Christmas to get her used to slings and swings before we head back to Utah.

I'm really happy Tessa wants to be cuddled so much and I'm going to be really sad if that changes.

Much to tell about our awesome trip but for now I'll leave you with this sweet pick

 She actually kind of looks like a little bug in this picture because her eyes are so big... but she's sure a cute little bug.
My cute little bug :)

No rants, just ramblings.

Over the weekend we made caramel apples with Brady's mom, Liesl. I wish I could say that Brady and I intentionally tried to make our apples look abstract but in reality we're just really bad at "apple art."

Especially, when compared to Liesl's flawless, perfect one. That woman knows her caramel apples, that's for sure.

I also watched this little clip on distinguishing baby cries to help you better understand what your baby needs. For some reason Oprah really bothers me in this video. Maybe it's the fact that the audience is a little too start struck and laughs at EVERYTHING she says and does. Oh Oprah. If you start feeling the same way, just stick with it. Trust me, it's actually pretty interesting stuff. 

Yesterday, I tried to see if I could recognize any of Tessa's cries. Not really. While she was fussing I said to her (in the "baby talk" voice we all use while talking to babies), "I'm sorry Tessa, I don't speak baby." Brady just stared at me, with a smile on his face and then said, "Yooou don't?" Hardy har. That's not what I meant. 

On Wednesday we're flying in to Utah to spend a day with these wonderful folks

 And then it's off to Riverton to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with these wild animals. I'm beyond excited.

So much has changed since this family picture was taken. We've lost some people but have gained others. I think I was fifteen or sixteen when this was taken and now I'm married with a baby. Wow. Luckily we're taking family photos this weekend.

Finally, I really liked the comment my sister made about this post

"The Mother's Prayer is that those little reminders will come over and over again. It's close to 7 years since my first and I still haven't been to the bathroom by myself except in the middle of the night. The day will come when I long for those little child bathroom conversations. I decided to dance with my babies today. Here's a sweet little song that you can dance with Tessa to. Dance with her often."

So, today we danced... 

to this song, that I sing to Tessa every night (which I can't seem to get through without tearing up). Someday this will be my Tessa Kaye.

She's a great dance partner :) Who seems to get milk goatees instead of milk mustaches...

Mommies and daddies, dance with your babies. Even if your baby is turning twenty next month (Ron and Liesl) or even if your babies are all grown and moved away, you still have a baby just down the street (mom). Dance with them. 

Dance with them often.